I cannot think of a more difficult position in life than that of a pastor’s wife. Grace Driscoll, wife of Pastor Mark Driscoll, has written two excellent posts on being a ministry wife. She covers all the major issues and supplies some great solutions. You can read part one here and part two here.
Posted in Femininity
First, the father was often absent due to working long hours to provide for his family. It should be noted that the father appeared to be godly in all examples I observed. He just was gone a lot and was exhausted when he was home.
Second, the mother tended to be overbearing in her management of her home. Her home was well kept. Her lesson plans well-executed. She was queen of every aspect of her home.
Third, not all the sons in these homes came across as effeminate. Some of the boys were very masculine. They were covered in bruises and cuts from building a tree house or playing soccer. However, I noticed the sons that did demonstrate these prehomosexual tendencies were usually homebodies. They tended to be very timid, artistic*, and clung to mother while his brothers explored the world outside.
So, in summary, a distant father, overbearing/protective mother, and timid child were a concoction that tended to produce effeminacy and potential homosexuality. This was disturbing to me because all three are common in home-schooling households. In this sense, home-schooling can be a very dangerous environment for young men to mature in.
What is a parent to do? Should we reject homeschooling? Should we force our artistic boys to build tree houses? Not necessarily. There is another way to come at this and it starts with the parents.
Consider this passage from Joseph Nicolosi’s A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality:
“For variety of reasons, some mothers also have a tendency to prolong their son’s dependence. A mother’s intimacy with her son is primal, complete, exclusive, and this powerful bond can easily deepen into what psychiatrist Robert Stoller calls a ‘blissful symbiosis.” But the mother may be inclined to hold on to her son in what becomes an unhealthy mutual dependency, especially if she does not have a satisfying, intimate relationship with the boy’s father. In such cases she can put too much energy into the boy, using him to fulfill her needs for love and companionship in a way that is not good for him.
Continue reading
Posted in Biblical Sexuality, Fatherhood, Femininity, Homosexuality, Masculinity, Parenting
I recently taught two sessions on biblical sexuality at a church youth camp. They touched on the created order, pornography, feminization of language, and host of other related topics. Consequently, I received a ton of good questions between and after the sessions. I was asked several times about whether women should work outside the home.
That question requires a tiered answer. A simple yes or no won’t do. However, what first must be establish is where a woman’s priority lies and Doug Wilson does a great job of addressing that in this video:
Ask Doug: Women working outside the home from Canon Wired on Vimeo.
Posted in Biblical Sexuality, Femininity
