Homosexuals come from all sorts of households. Single parents homes, Christian homes, middle class homes, biracial homes and just any other category of home you can come up with. Homosexuality is a sin (Scripture says this clearly and repeatedly) and sin knows no boundaries. That being said, Dr. Joseph Nicolosi’s research has shown that there are a triad of factors that tend to be present in the homes that homosexuals come raised in. The present of these environmental factors and shaping influences will put a child at higher risk of developing and acting upon homosexual urges. Several years ago I noticed this triad in one of the places a Christian would least expect. I started noticing an abnormal amount of especially effeminate young men from home-schooling families. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the causes behind this trend. However, over time I began to notice that three variables tended to be present in all these home-schooling households.
First, the father was often absent due to working long hours to provide for his family. It should be noted that the father appeared to be godly in all examples I observed. He just was gone a lot and was exhausted when he was home.
Second, the mother tended to be overbearing in her management of her home. Her home was well kept. Her lesson plans well-executed. She was queen of every aspect of her home.
Third, not all the sons in these homes came across as effeminate. Some of the boys were very masculine. They were covered in bruises and cuts from building a tree house or playing soccer. However, I noticed the sons that did demonstrate these prehomosexual tendencies were usually homebodies. They tended to be very timid, artistic*, and clung to mother while his brothers explored the world outside.
So, in summary, a distant father, overbearing/protective mother, and timid child were a concoction that tended to produce effeminacy and potential homosexuality. This was disturbing to me because all three are common in home-schooling households. In this sense, home-schooling can be a very dangerous environment for young men to mature in.
What is a parent to do? Should we reject homeschooling? Should we force our artistic boys to build tree houses? Not necessarily. There is another way to come at this and it starts with the parents.
Consider this passage from Joseph Nicolosi’s A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality:
“For variety of reasons, some mothers also have a tendency to prolong their son’s dependence. A mother’s intimacy with her son is primal, complete, exclusive, and this powerful bond can easily deepen into what psychiatrist Robert Stoller calls a ‘blissful symbiosis.” But the mother may be inclined to hold on to her son in what becomes an unhealthy mutual dependency, especially if she does not have a satisfying, intimate relationship with the boy’s father. In such cases she can put too much energy into the boy, using him to fulfill her needs for love and companionship in a way that is not good for him.